LART Pocket Reference
LARTs and LARTing have been a common discussion topic among operators and
administrators for many years. When the lusers aren't listening, the bosses
don't care and you've reached the point of no return, it's time to adjust.
Adjust people attitudes; the lusers, the scrotal pustules that should be bowing
and scraping in you presence. You are a god to these people, where is their
respect, their awe, their ability not to bother you with a request for more
quota when you're playing Unreal Tournament? It's lost in the mists of
middle-management and lack of understanding of the job you do. You must search
for a way to claw that back, hand over fist.
A LART can help you in your quest. LARTs are whatever you can use to accomplish
your desires. From a verbal tongue-lashing which flays the wallpaper off the
office walls, to a quick set of incriminating emails to head office, the LART is
a catchall term for the tool which accomplishes your task. Although, in this day
and age of high-speed communications and lucid verbal interaction, physical
violence is something of an anachronism, sometimes it's going to be the only
thing that's going to get the job done.
It's fun too.
Beating a recalcitrant luser with a clue-by-four can be excellent Recovery.
Bringing in a seasoned axe handle or a baseball bat (make sure it has gouges and
chunks missing) and mounting it above your desk in a prominent manner, perhaps
even labeling it "Helpdesk query tool" can free up huge tracts of time that would
otherwise have been engaged in restoring someone's files or installing Media
Player for some bored clot who's just found out what an mp3 is. Try to be seen
swinging it around at waist height (head height of a seated person) and if anyone
asks, you're "just practising".
LARTing can be psychological in nature and in this guise something art form,
it takes judicious application to get the desired results. Either that, or
blanket terror coverage. Use it like a syringe, injecting a few cc's of panic
and fear here and there, or like a bioweapon infecting the entire area with
muscle spasms, sweating and the inability to control bowel movements whenever
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