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LART Pocket Reference

Full Description

LARTs and LARTing have been a common discussion topic among operators and administrators for many years. When the lusers aren't listening, the bosses don't care and you've reached the point of no return, it's time to adjust. Adjust people attitudes; the lusers, the scrotal pustules that should be bowing and scraping in you presence. You are a god to these people, where is their respect, their awe, their ability not to bother you with a request for more quota when you're playing Unreal Tournament? It's lost in the mists of middle-management and lack of understanding of the job you do. You must search for a way to claw that back, hand over fist.

A LART can help you in your quest. LARTs are whatever you can use to accomplish your desires. From a verbal tongue-lashing which flays the wallpaper off the office walls, to a quick set of incriminating emails to head office, the LART is a catchall term for the tool which accomplishes your task. Although, in this day and age of high-speed communications and lucid verbal interaction, physical violence is something of an anachronism, sometimes it's going to be the only thing that's going to get the job done.

It's fun too.

Beating a recalcitrant luser with a clue-by-four can be excellent Recovery. Bringing in a seasoned axe handle or a baseball bat (make sure it has gouges and chunks missing) and mounting it above your desk in a prominent manner, perhaps even labeling it "Helpdesk query tool" can free up huge tracts of time that would otherwise have been engaged in restoring someone's files or installing Media Player for some bored clot who's just found out what an mp3 is. Try to be seen swinging it around at waist height (head height of a seated person) and if anyone asks, you're "just practising".

LARTing can be psychological in nature and in this guise something art form, it takes judicious application to get the desired results. Either that, or blanket terror coverage. Use it like a syringe, injecting a few cc's of panic and fear here and there, or like a bioweapon infecting the entire area with muscle spasms, sweating and the inability to control bowel movements whenever you're nearby.

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