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Luser Type Questions

Q: What is your age/birthday?
A: Not saying, do you actually care?
Q: Are you full time BOFH?
A: Yes. The job of a BOFH is a full-time, 24/7 job. Just because you're not at a computer, doesn't mean you don't stop being a BOFH. There are lusers out there eveywhere. Just because they aren't breaking your network, doesn't mean they don't need to be dealt with. Violently. Permenently.
Q: So what are you doing now that you LART people full-time?
A: I'm babysitting a number of NT Servers and a few dozen linux boxen (which I created to stave off insanity) whilst I play loud mp3 music in the afternoon and strive to avoid doing anything with the Databases of Doom. It's a dirty job, and they just about pay me enough to do it.
Q: Are you seeing anyone? Will you marry me?
A: Just because I'm your dream BOFH, doesn't mean I'm shareware. Take a hike and find someone else who smokes your joint, bub.
Q: Do you have a mailing address I can send something to?
A: No. BOFHs by their nature are shackled by nothing and can only be located at /root. You could try leaving unmarked envelopes in my spool.
Q: So what games do you play when you're not LARTing?
A: Mostly I play Delta Force, at which I now reign supreme. On occasion I can be seen playing Dune2000 for the feeling of power and control over the little lives of the ground troops; sending them into battle against hopeless odds, and then laughing maniacally. Currently I'm enjoying having a new computer which plays Mech Warrior 3 and Homeworld.
Q: What's a luser?
A: Someone whom you should never wish to meet. It's a word play on 'loser' and 'user'. Get it? No? Nevermind.
Q: And while we're about it, what the hell is a BOFH, anyway?
A: Someone whom you should never wish to upset. The person with absolute control over you when you're sitting in front of a computer. It stands for Bastard Operator From Hell and he (or as it may be, she) is responsible for the computers, network and associated technology you're using at work, university or similar. The concept of the BOFH was originally created by Simon Travaglia in a set of humours posts that you can find here. I (like the people at BOFHnet) suggest that you read them (or at least some of them) before asking any more stupid questions. O.K.