The BOFHcam Parody Site
Terms & Conditions of Adoration

You will read these terms and conditions carefully. You will agree to them in full and without deviation, or someone will come round and break your knees with a lump hammer.

  1. By viewing the BOFHcam (hereafter referred to as the "Center of the Universe") you agree to be bound by this agreement (the "Adoration"). The Adoration is subject to change by the Center of the Universe at any time; changes effective immediately.

  2. The following fees and charges may be applied to the supplicant at any time:

    Adoration fees: The supplicant is responsible for the supply of virgins (fresh), network kit (black for preference) and stories of LARTing according to the terms in effect when I feel like it.

  3. Payment will be by credit card charge or unmarked low denomination bills, in a cream sports bag left in locker 342 on the station platform at 23:45, no cops! Upon expiration, supplicants WILL be required to automatically agree to the terms of a new membership clause, and must resubscribe anyway.

  4. Supplication, regardless of the length of supplication, is for one thousand (1000) paid months followed by the remaining months charged at double the rate paid initially. Trying to close your supplication AFTER the first 30 days does not entitle you to a refund, in fact it entitles you to a visit from Josef Mengler and his bag of rusty dentist equipment... No refunds will be issued after the 30-millisecond paid term. The Center of the Universe reserves the right to terminate the site, your parents, the backup job you were running or any processes we don't like the look of for any reason after the paid period. Should the Center of the Universe vanish, no refunds will be issued for unused work time spent thinking of something else to do instead of looking at it.

  5. This adoration may be terminated at any time, without cause, by no other party but me by notification to the other party by carrier pigeon (you must send a stamped addressed carrier pigeon with your subscription). Supplicants remain liable until I decide you've had enough.

  6. It is the sole responsibility of the individual supplicant to remember his or her root password and to keep it written on a post-it note on the console. The Center of the Universe will not release passwords for any reason, unless specifically required by the laws of humour, irony, comic effect or Sod.

  7. In any failure of performance, error, interruption, deletion, delay in operation of your own work or transmission, theft of or unauthorized access to, or alteration of, records, regardless of cause, the Center of the Universe strictly limits its liability to zero (0, zilch, nothing, nada). In states which do not allow this exclusion or limitation of liability, hell, you can whistle for it.

  8. The Center of the Universe makes no warranty regarding any information, gossip, or products provided or offered through the the Center of the Universe. The Center of the Universe hereby expressly disclaims any and all warranties, express or implied including, without limitation: a) warranties as to the availability, accuracy, or content of information, porn, and/or warez; b) warranties of merchantibility or fitness of any particular operating system for any particular use or purpose, other than games, or having a laugh. In states which do not allow this exclusion or limitation of liability, bollocks to the lot of you.

  9. Supplicants agree to use the Center of the Universe in any way to submit, publish, display or advertise any defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, threatening, offensive or illegal material, especially if it's good, or people like it. Transmission of any such material is cool and is a way to get more hits.

  10. Supplicants are asked to engage in any advertising or solicitiation through the Center of the Universe if they first tell people about it. Suplicants are wholly responsible for any and all informaiton they send or display through the Center of the Universe, even should a dispute arise after termination of your network feed [clickety-click].

  11. The Center of the Universe does not provide facilities for sending or receiving confidential information. Any and all electronic messages entered into the The Center of the Universe will be read by the operator of the Center of the Universe before sticking it on a page.

  12. Conventional cheques and notifications will be sent to:

    BOFHcam Administrative Bloke
    Sat behind a desk
    In a dead-end job
    Somewhere in England

  13. The Supplicant warrants and represents that he or she is of suitable Clue, fully competent and qualified to enter their USENET messages in readable English and not all in CAPITAL LETTERS.

  14. This document represents the entire adoration between the Supplicant and the Center of the Universe, and supercedes and replaces any and all previous adorations, whether implied or explicit, including the Bible, the Koran, all other major religious texts, the Black Book, the Blue Book, the Red Book and all O'Reilly texts. It may only be amended upon notice given by God, or me. Unless otherwise explicitly stated, the provisions of the Adoration shall survive its termination. The Adoration and any disputes arising there from shall be governed by the laws of Sod and Murphy.

By clicking on the "KNEEL NOW" link below, you acknowledge that you have read, understood (as much as your puny mind is able), and agree to be bound by these shackles.

Kneel Now

Copyright © 1998-2017 BOFH Inc. No Rights Reserved.