The BOFHcam Parody Site
Terms & Conditions of Adoration
You will read these terms and conditions carefully.
You will agree to them in full and without deviation, or someone will come round
and break your knees with a lump hammer.
By clicking on the "KNEEL NOW" link below, you acknowledge that you have read,
understood (as much as your puny mind is able), and agree to be bound by these
- By viewing the BOFHcam (hereafter referred to as the "Center of the
Universe") you agree to be bound by this agreement (the "Adoration"). The
Adoration is subject to change by the Center of the Universe at any time;
changes effective immediately.
- The following fees and charges may be applied to the supplicant at any
Adoration fees: The supplicant is responsible for the supply of virgins (fresh), network kit (black for preference) and stories of LARTing according
to the terms in effect when I feel like it.
- Payment will be by credit card charge or unmarked low denomination bills, in
a cream sports bag left in locker 342 on the station platform at 23:45, no cops!
Upon expiration, supplicants WILL be required to automatically agree to
the terms of a new membership clause, and must resubscribe anyway.
- Supplication, regardless of the length of supplication, is for one thousand
(1000) paid months followed by the remaining months charged at double the rate
paid initially. Trying to close your supplication AFTER the first 30 days does
not entitle you to a refund, in fact it entitles you to a visit from Josef
Mengler and his bag of rusty dentist equipment... No refunds will be issued
after the 30-millisecond paid term. The Center of the Universe reserves the
right to terminate the site, your parents, the backup job you were running or
any processes we don't like the look of for any reason after the paid period.
Should the Center of the Universe vanish, no refunds will be issued for unused
work time spent thinking of something else to do instead of looking at it.
- This adoration may be terminated at any time, without cause, by
no other party but me by notification to the other party by carrier pigeon (you
must send a stamped addressed carrier pigeon with your subscription).
Supplicants remain liable until I decide you've had enough.
- It is the sole responsibility of the individual supplicant to
remember his or her root password and to keep it written on a post-it note on
the console. The Center of the Universe will not release passwords for any
reason, unless specifically required by the laws of humour, irony, comic effect
- In any failure of performance, error, interruption, deletion, delay
in operation of your own work or transmission, theft of or unauthorized access
to, or alteration of, records, regardless of cause, the Center of the Universe
strictly limits its liability to zero (0, zilch, nothing, nada). In states
which do not allow this exclusion or limitation of liability, hell, you can
whistle for it.
- The Center of the Universe makes no warranty regarding any information,
gossip, or products provided or offered through the the Center of the Universe.
The Center of the Universe hereby expressly disclaims any and all warranties,
express or implied including, without limitation: a) warranties as to the
availability, accuracy, or content of information, porn, and/or warez; b)
warranties of merchantibility or fitness of any particular operating system for
any particular use or purpose, other than games, or having a laugh. In states
which do not allow this exclusion or limitation of liability, bollocks to the
lot of you.
- Supplicants agree to use the Center of the Universe in any way to
submit, publish, display or advertise any defamatory, inaccurate, abusive,
threatening, offensive or illegal material, especially if it's good, or people
like it. Transmission of any such material is cool and is a way to get more
- Supplicants are asked to engage in any advertising or
solicitiation through the Center of the Universe if they first tell people
about it. Suplicants are wholly responsible for any and all informaiton they
send or display through the Center of the Universe, even should a dispute arise
after termination of your network feed [clickety-click].
- The Center of the Universe does not provide facilities for sending or
receiving confidential information. Any and all electronic messages entered
into the The Center of the Universe will be read by the operator of the Center
of the Universe before sticking it on a page.
- Conventional cheques and notifications will be sent to:
BOFHcam Administrative Bloke
Sat behind a desk
In a dead-end job
Somewhere in England
- The Supplicant warrants and represents that he or she is
of suitable Clue, fully competent and qualified to enter their USENET messages
in readable English and not all in CAPITAL LETTERS.
- This document represents the entire adoration between the Supplicant and the
Center of the Universe, and supercedes and replaces any and all previous
adorations, whether implied or explicit, including the Bible, the Koran, all
other major religious texts, the Black Book, the Blue Book, the Red Book and all
O'Reilly texts. It may only be amended upon notice given by God, or me. Unless
otherwise explicitly stated, the provisions of the Adoration shall survive its
termination. The Adoration and any disputes arising there from shall be
governed by the laws of Sod and Murphy.
Copyright © 1998-2017 BOFH Inc. No Rights Reserved.